Hypothesis: If magnets can attract metal, surely they can attract stability, happiness, and financial success.
Method: Carry an industrial magnet everywhere and see if life improves.
Results: No improvement in personal circumstances, but many stolen cutlery items.
Conclusion: Magnets only attract metal, not personal fulfillment.
Hypothesis: If Schrödinger’s cat can exist in two states at once, then a car can be both parked and not parked.
Method: Attempt to parallel park using only equations and shouting "IT'S JUST A PROBABILITY WAVE!"
Results: The car is still in motion, but my insurance premium increased.
Conclusion: Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle does not apply to parking tickets.
Hypothesis: Energy drinks exist, so logically, yelling at caffeine should supercharge it.
Method: Brew a cup of coffee. Instead of sugar, add sheer emotional intensity by screaming at it for 30 seconds.
Results: No measurable change in caffeine levels, but the barista at Starbucks asked me to leave.
Conclusion: Screaming does not alter coffee potency, but it can alter social standing.