Lab notes
Stupid science generator
Three terrible experiments from the lab. Do not try these at home, at work, or near anyone with grant funding.
🚗 Can You Parallel Park Using Only Theoretical Physics?
Hypothesis: If Schrödinger’s cat can exist in two states at once, then a car can be both parked and not parked until observed.
Method: Explain quantum superposition to the examiner while gently mounting the kerb.
Results: The vehicle was indeed in multiple positions, none of them legal.
Conclusion: Physics is not a substitute for steering.
☕ Does Screaming at Coffee Make It Stronger?
Hypothesis: Energy drinks exist, so logically, yelling at caffeine should supercharge it.
Method: Brew a cup of coffee. Instead of sugar, add sheer emotional intensity by screaming at it for 30 seconds.
Results: No measurable change in caffeine levels, but the barista at Starbucks asked me to leave.
Conclusion: Screaming does not alter coffee potency, but it can alter social standing.
📡 Can You Improve WiFi by Yelling "Enhance" at It?
Hypothesis: Movie hackers always yell "ENHANCE!" to improve blurry images, so it should work on WiFi signals too.
Method: Stand next to the router and dramatically yell "Enhance!" while pointing at it.
Results: No improvement in WiFi signal, but significant decrease in household respect.
Conclusion: WiFi does not respond to verbal commands.